If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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