I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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