I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
