I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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