I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
