You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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