If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
