apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
