Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
