Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Sext me about skeletons
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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