I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
