When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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