one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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