It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
