We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
