I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
