I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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