Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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