she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
