I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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