C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
