dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
