i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
