3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
