his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
