Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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