Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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