I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
