I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
