Whod you bang
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
