I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
