i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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