Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
