That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
