You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
