He kissed a someone with a penis
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
