I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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