you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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