If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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