I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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