We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
