So drunk its hurt
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
this hospital has no fireball
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
