You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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