what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
