saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
