why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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