hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
