were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
