The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
