I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My vagina is very pro this idea
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
