My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
