erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
