people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
