They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
