I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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